The Ingredients Of Love
Geplaatst op 15-01-2025
Categorie: Lifestyle
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As I’ve gone about my way of late, jumping from girl to girl and dating scores of them this year alone, I oft note the vacuous void where my heart used to be. Most of the time, the girls I kiss are attractive, but don’t give me that feeling of “butterflies” that evolution designed to signal that we had found a high-value mate, and should bond to them.
Sometimes I feel it, though. Usually when it happens, I get overly delicate with whomever my body has deigned to place on this pedestal, and soon they’re out of the picture. Part of mastering Game is learning to both feel this feeling of snagging a high-value girl, and also being totally detached from the fear of messing it up/losing her that undercuts your seduction.
In a way, your self improvement continually raises your standards, so that the girls you are easily banging become better and better. The cruel Catch-22 of the human mating dance is that the ones that come easy will always be valued less, because you can inherently do better. At some point you strike a balance and settle. Well… most guys, anyway.
But even with the girls that give me these butterflies, if everything “worked out” and we started banging on a regular basis, I’m not sure I would truly feel love in the way I did in the past. So what has changed? What conditions need to be met for us to go from hardened, alpha men to being truly in love?
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The Ingredients of Love
First I should say that I’ve come to believe that an Alpha Male will never truly feel “love” the way betas do in the movies. You can feel attachment, fondness, happiness that you’re banging a girl… But to get all the way to the state of enraptured, ecstatic love, you need to sacrifice much of what makes you alpha.
(As an implied prerequisite to the following ingredients, we should assume that the girls that are even in the realm of possibly falling in love with have already passed the bar of being high-value in the holy trinity [looks, femininity, sexuality]. This is about traversing the threshold from merely being satisfied by a great girl, to actually falling in love with her.)
1) Fear of Loss
The first ingredient for a man to fall in love is for him to fear losing the girl. Either through some kind of actual threat (her moving away, another guy in her life) or just that you know she is hotter than most girls you can pull. This fear of loss makes you covet her more, and the ensuing feeling of knotted insecurity is part of the emotional cacophony we call True Love.
2) Lowering Your Self-Confidence
Giving in to your weaknesses and allowing yourself to be vulnerable is part of the equation as well. This is what most guys would call “just being myself.” In some ways it is a welcome relief, but this is because it isn’t any truer a version of yourself than before; it is simply a version of yourself in which you can be lazy and stop trying to improve. You no longer feel the burden of being a man of action, and a relaxed haze of lethargy takes over, adding to your bliss with your partner. Every day feels like a vacation.
3) Relying on Her
To be fully in love, you need to create the circumstances where you actually NEED her. Part of the process of falling in love involves completely stripping yourself of your power, and beginning to rely on your partner to make you happy and provide security. It’s like trying to recapture the feeling you had as a child in your parents’ arms. Dare I even say your mother’s arms.
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Can you see why falling in love might be inherently beta? But this is the cost of feeling the all-compassing power of love. I’m starting to wonder if it really is such a good thing after all, or possibly sinister in some way…
As with all things, I believe there is a natural balance. This will be different for everyone. But when you find someone that you want to be the mother of your children, or just a partner on your life’s journey, you will to some extent go through all three of the ingredients. Maybe it will only be slight, but that is the tradeoff to keep your balls. There will be other great things about your relationship– building a family, having great sex, sharing experiences. But to truly feel what we call Love, you will have to let go of your alpha-ness and invest more greatly in your partner. On some level, to feel in love you must believe your partner is your only hope.
Game imbues us with the ability to balance love and self-interest more easily. Although those of us who study it seem the most reticent to get tied down, perhaps we should be the ones more willing to fall in love, because we have the tools to prevent ourselves from being manipulated or exploited, even while we enjoy this most intense emotional bond.